Saturday, January 5, 2008

They say she's a nutcase but..

Working in a nursing home there are a lot of things I see that I never want to have to go through. This is my list, just in case I don't have a chance to tell you then I'm telling you now.
First off, I do not want to live in a nursing home. I don't want someone to have to change me, to shower me, to dress me, to feed me. It would be horrible to be that dependant. But just in case I do end up living in a nursing home...
  • My file should say DNR. There are too many problems involved in elderly people who have been resuscitated. I don't want to go through that
  • If I'm not funny when I'm 90, there is no use living. As long as I'm good for a laugh, keep me around (even if you're laughing because I have Alzheimer's, I don't care)
  • If my diet supposedly restricts Dr. Pepper, give it to me anyway. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die happy
  • I don't care if I'm eating too many sweets. Once you're that old it shouldn't matter what your figure looks like
  • Don't wake me up. If I sleep until lunch, who cares? I'm old... if that's what I want to do then let me do it.
  • Please don't put my dentures in the laundry. The denture guy only comes to my house once a year and that's on 3.14
  • Even if I refuse take a shower, put me in there anyway.
  • Give me back scratches. (The ladies at my work always coax me into giving them one)
  • Sing me bedtime songs
  • When I finally do die, if you want to donate my body to science that would be fine. That or any kind of donor (if they want my decrepit body). Have a normal funeral/viewing first, put my body to good use!

Even if I scream in protest for being taken care of, I will appreciate it (in the long run). When I curse at you CNA's it really means "I love you".


aubrie said...

That is hilarious. I especially love the dentures guy part--I haven't seen him for a while. But I'm sure that you'll be good for a laugh when you're 90, I wouldn't worry about it. You've always been good for a laugh.

macbezz said...

You're gonna get old? I don't believe it. Just remember that when I'm old and crazy that you need to find me some midgets and reindeer to keep around. Then at least it will seem like Santa went off the deep end (cause you know I'll have the massive white beard).